Tangled

Time flies when you have fun, they say. To me, however, it seems that it flies anyway. The past few months I've spent studying and skating. The latter doensn't give me the exhilaration anymore, and all I can think about is how I wish to quit. This is not the best timing, as the national championships are in a week and I'm supposed to be standing on a podium there.

Oh, I turned 20. All my relatives called, wished me happy birthday and asked how it felt to be "in my twenties" and live an "independent college life". What ever that means. I don't see much independence at the moment, it feels like I'm being pulled to ten different directions and my own voice is lost in the tangles. All my friends whish to see me more, which is nice, of course, and so does my boyfriend. My coaches want me to win, as do my parents, who want me to continue doing so next season. They also want me to go to med school, which is the wish of my grandparents' as well, but without the skating part. I, personally, just want a vacation from all of this.

Tangled

Time flies when you have fun, they say. To me, however, it seems that it flies anyway. The past few months I've spent studying and skating. The latter doensn't give me the exhilaration anymore, and all I can think about is how I wish to quit. This is not the best timing, as the national championships are in a week and I'm supposed to be standing on a podium there.

Oh, I turned 20. All my relatives called, wished me happy birthday and asked how it felt to be "in my twenties" and live an "independent college life". What ever that means. I don't see much independence at the moment, it feels like I'm being pulled to ten different directions and my own voice is lost in the tangles. All my friends whish to see me more, which is nice, of course, and so does my boyfriend. My coaches want me to win, as do my parents, who want me to continue doing so next season. They also want me to go to med school, which is the wish of my grandparents' as well, but without the skating part. I, personally, just want a vacation from all of this.

The Diva

The first day of the new year! I was lucky to get to spend the first hour with my boyfriend. Got to meet his sister, too. We looked at their baby pictures. It was strange to see how, based on the pics, his childhood looked very similar to mine. At the same time it was shocking to see how different they were from today's kids' childhood. We wore whatever, played whatever, didn't even know the concept of "being cool".

Today a friend of mine arranged a scene. On the phone, but still. She says she's felt I don't want to be her friend anymore. I've tried and tried thinking about it, but I cannot see what I've done wrong. Maybe I'm just so self-centered. I, however, cannot see how this is possible since I'm the one who always calls. I admit we haven't seen each other too often lately. I guess I've been quite depressed this fall/winter. I don't know what's the matter with me, but I feel that I'm drifting away from all my friends. I don't have the energy to see anyone. I wish she realized everything is not about her.

The Diva

Shock Waves

It's weird how life always surprised when you least expect it. The disaster in Asia touched me already when I saw it on the news, but it really terrified me when I heard that my coach was enjoying our week off in Phugat. Luckily, her hotel was the only one that the nature didn't show its power on. I don't think she even realizes it herself how lucky she is, maybe she's still on denial.

However, it motrifies me how finns are so selfish! They show people on the news who were rescued and the first thing they say is how their luggage wasn't damaged. I mean come on! Why didn't they give it to the locasl who were left with nothing?

Hearing about the waves from somebody who actually was there makes it feel a lot more personal. Things like that aren't supposed to happen. I guess this was a good reminder how anything can happen. I also think it's a good warning sign to the finns that they aren't untouchable even though we live in a safe country. When it comes down to it; people are all equal human beings and on the same line.

About Skating and the Lack of It

Wow, I haven't written in a while. Life has been rather good lately. Met two friends at the end of the week, gave them some ginger bread cookies (with impressive icing and candy decoration, I must say) and they seemed to like it. The only sad thing was that they're both going abroad for Christmas, and I won't see then in a month. I'm happy for them, though, that they get to travel.

We had a Christmas performance for skating. It went surprisingly well considering how many changes we've done to the program lately. My mom cried, oh please... I've never had as little motivation for skating as I've had lately. On Saturday night I had a blast with my mom as she is trying to pressure me to continue next season. She even promised me a car if I don't quit. Come on! How desperate can parents be for their children's success?

On Sat night our coach had enjoyed a bit too much of Glogi (a Christmas drink we enjoy here, some include alcohol in it) and she was still drunk when she came to the early practice on Sunday. That surely was interesting. We also got the spots for the next competition. This time it wasn't too many tears and I got a spot in both programs, yay!

I was just thinking on Sun how empty my life would be without skating. That day I spent eight hours at the ice rink, including the exhibition and practice. How weak would my legs be without it?;)

Now we have a week of from ice. I can't believe it, usually we only have two weeks of a year! Anyway, I'm going to enjoy the freetime I get because it certainly doesn't happen too often!

Btw, I must get rid of this naive tone of mine. If anybody reads this, I really am not as stupid as it may seem from my entries!

Ginger Bread Cookies

I just finished baking 2kg of ginger bread cookies! Disgusting, I don't want to see one single of the kind in my life anymore, not to mention having any. I spent my first day of the vacation with my boyfriend and went to practice. I haven't skated for two days (thanks to physics), which is a longer break than we normally ever have and I still felt afwul. Or maybe it was because of that. I hate the feeling you get in the middle of program when you're so tired you would like to give up and you know that there's still 75% left and you just have to keep going. At the end you feel good, though, so I guess it's worth it. I also went through the routine of jumps off ice, they've improved. I don't know why I'm so tired, even skating doesn't bring me the thrill anymore. My coach yelled at me so bad when I forgot the change at one part of my routine.

I basically ate nothing today. I had some jougurt in the morning, a piece of bread before practice and three mandarines for dinner. I've learned to hate eating, I only like stuff with lots of water and a fresh tast in it, mandarins for example.

Guilt and Angels

Christmas break!!! I had my last exam today and it went surprisingly well considering it was physics. I've realized I have no realistic idea of what is a normal amount of work. I'm so used to sacrificing all my time to skating that being able to read for 15 minutes before going to sleep is such luxury. I feel guilty every second I don't do something productive. Oh well, tomorrow I'll make ginger bread cookies with my boyfriend and go to practice and that'll be it.

I forgot to eat today. I realized during the exam that I had gone on a glass of juice for almost 12 hours and was beginning to feel weak. When I look at myself in the mirror I see that I've lost weight. My nose looks sharp. I have to go think of Christmas presents now. Besides, I feel guilty about not studying for med entrance exam.

Does anybody read my blog, btw? If you do, please leave a note for me, I would be flattered.:)

Rethroical

Why is it so that at the beginning of a course you feel excited and are determined to study, when you actually have to study, the most useless TV-programs suddenly feel so attractive and afterwards you regret not having studied? Why does one have to know physics in order to get to med school? Why is it still so interesting but at the same time dead boring?

Why does the one and most wonderful person in your life have to have it so hard when you wish that he if somebody were perfectly happy? How do you comfort him in a situation that you can't change and know that will affect him for the rest of his life?

Am going into the wrong direction by studying chem and physics? It's now official; I hate it.

Frost

If I were to describe my life with only one word right now, I would call it frosty. First of all, it is stunningly beautiful outside as I live in Finland and all the trees are covered in icy, sparkly frost. I feel frosty as I just took a three-hour walk with my boyfriend in the freezing cold and I still don't feel quite molten. I had a chemistry exam this morning, which-figuratively speaking-felt quite stiff, for the first time in my life I was clueless when it came to answering the questions. The grade shall make me feel rather icy as well. To add to the stiffness, this my first post, and I have what so ever on how write this. Hoping to warm up soon.